Cutting Loose, Snape Style
by Hasralaxy
Summary: A THOUSAND POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR LOOKING AT THE SUMMARY.


Sometimes, teaching just gets a little too demanding. You can't retain that image of sensible authority and seriousness for the whole of your teaching career, can you? Even Snape, the pinnacle of sensible authority and seriousness, has his days of insensible 'cutting-loose'. Today just happened to be that day!

Snape walked into the classroom, full of chatting students and suddenly roared at the top of his lungs. Every student fell silent, stunned at this outburst.

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR NOT APPLAUDING MY ROAR!" he then screamed.

"What?" shouted Ron incredulously. "Your _roar_!?"

"Roar, Weasley!"

"What?!"

"ROAR!"

"I'm not gonna-"

"ROAR BITCH!"

Ron gave out a little roar.

"FIFTEEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR SUCKING AT ROARING!"

Snape strutted up to the front of class, and faced the class with tense eyes but a delighted smile. The whole class, shocked, watched him nervously.

"Umm...Professor...are you...all right?" asked Hermione, looking positively frightened.

"I'm fine Miss Granger! Speak without using the letter 'A' next time!"

"W-What?"

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR DISOBEYING ME!"

She looked gobsmacked.

"Now can anyone tell me how many unforgivable curses there are?"

"Umm...three sir..." said Harry.

"Good Potter. Now say it in a funny accent."

"What? _Why_?"

"DO IT!"

"Umm...thr-wee sir..." said Harry, in a weird Jamaican like voice.

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR SOUNDING LIKE BOB MARLEY!"

"You know who Bob Marley is?" asked Seamus.

"FIFTEEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR UNDERESTIMATING MY MUSIC TASTE!"

Snape moved into the rows of desks, slowly overlooking them with menace. He stopped in front of Ron's desk, and bent over, almost at a right angle, so his arse stuck ungraciously into Dean's head.

"Weasley..." said Snape softly.

"Y-Yes..." said Ron, petrified.

"What...do you think...of my cloak?"

"It's...er...very nice!"

"Yes it is. Unlike YOUR CLOTHES! THEY SUCK! TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR WEARING RUBBISH CLOTHES!"

"But we all wear the same thing!"

"THEN ONE HUNDRED POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

"But it's the uniform!"

"THEN A MILLION POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

"Is that even possible!?"

"A BILLION POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR USING THE WORD 'EVEN'!"

Snape flapped to the front of the class, and turned to face the students with livid eyes.

"Professor...can I ask what the hell's going on?" asked Harry nervously.

"POTTER! TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR HAVING A NAME WHICH SORT OF RHYMES WITH MERRY – I HATE ANYTHING MERRY!"

"Sir, this is unfair!" said Ron angrily.

"WEASLEY! TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR HAVING A NAME WHICH RHYMES WITH JOHN! I HATE THAT NAME SO MUCH!"

"Why?"

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR BEING SO NOSY ABOUT MY PAST BOYFRIENDS!"

"What?!" said Hermione, eyes wide.

"GRANGER! TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR HAVING A NAME WHICH RHYMES WITH...WITH...ERR...MACORONI! I HATE MACORONI!"

"No it doesn't!"

"A THOUSAND POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR NOT APPRECIATING MY RHYMES!"

The class, still stunned, said nothing more.

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR NOT SAYING ANYTHING MORE FOR ME TO TAKE MORE POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!"

"What?!"

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR NOT USING MORE THAN ONE VOWEL!"

"Come on!"

"FIFTEEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR USING AN EQUAL NUMBER OF VOWELS AND CONSONANTS IN YOUR RETORT!"

"Sir, you're acting crazy!"

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER!"

"Sir!"

Snape returned to his desk with several heavy stomps.

At that moment, McGonagall entered the room, looking concerned.

"Severus...there seems to be a serious problem with the hourglasses. Gryffindor's just lost more than a billion points...somehow...and the deductions seem to be coming from here..."

"TWO HUNDRED POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR HAVING A NAME THAT RHYMES WITH...WITH...WITH... LURVA! WHICH IS LIKE ALMOST 'LOVE' AND I HATE LOVE!"

"Severus! You can't take points away from teachers!"

"TEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR UNDERESTIMATING MY ABILITIES!"

"Severus! I thought you were more mature than _this_!"

"FIFTEEN POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR THINKING WRONG!"

"I will fetch Dumbledore if this continues!"

"I'm here..." said Dumbledore, walking on in with his saxophone.

"Dumbledore, you play saxophone?" asked McGonagall shocked.

"Of course bitch. Where the hell have you been?"

"Well...this doesn't matter now! Professor Snape's been abusing the points system!"

"I have complete faith in Severus and everything he does..."

"But sir-"

"Silence bitch. I shall return to jamming, and if you hear me screaming DON'T, I repeat DON'T, come to my rescue..."

At the end of the school year…

"First place...is Ravenclaw, with six hundred and twenty seven points! Very well done!" said Dumbledore. The Ravenclaw table exploded with cheers, with polite applause from the other tables.

"Second place...is Slytherin, with five hundred and sixty three points!"

This was followed by more applause.

"Third place...is Hufflepuff, with five hundred and one points!"

More applause followed.

"And, fourth place goes to Gryffindor with...minus one billion, one million eight hundred and forty two points..."

The whole hall went silent; the whole of Gryffindor House looked uncomfortable.

"LOL" said Dumbledore, and started playing the saxophone randomly. All the other houses began dancing alongside, with Gryffindor remaining seated and shocked.

You see! Some teachers have gotta cut loose! Even if it does have a ...rather excessive outcome...


End file.
